Why grief can affect memory and concentration

‘I can’t remember where I’ve put my keys.’

‘I read a page and can’t remember what it said.’

“People talk to me and within a few minutes I’ve already forgotten.”

Many people who are grieving describe experiences like these. Some worry they have a neurological problem; others think they are ‘losing their mental sharpness’.

In most cases, however, difficulties with memory and concentration are among the most common manifestations of grief.

It doesn’t mean that the brain has ‘broken down’. It means that it is trying to adapt to a loss that affects not only our emotions, but also the cognitive processes through which we understand and organise reality.

When the brain is busy processing a loss

We often think of grief as an emotional experience; in reality, it is also an intense cognitive process. Every day, our brain uses internal models that help us predict the world.

It knows, for example, that:

• a particular person will come home;
• they will answer the phone;
• they will be present at a special occasion;
• they will take their place at the table.

When that person dies, these expectations do not disappear immediately. From a neuroscientific perspective, the brain must gradually update a network of mental representations built up over years of the relationship. This requires time and cognitive energy.

Why it becomes difficult to concentrate

Concentration is a limited resource. When a significant portion of one’s mental resources is constantly occupied with trying to come to terms with the loss, there is less available for other activities.

This is why it can become more difficult to:

• follow a conversation;
• reading a book;
• watch a film;
• make decisions;
• staying focused at work.

This does not necessarily mean there is a lack of interest. Quite simply, the brain is devoting a great deal of energy to something that often happens silently and automatically.

Memory may seem to have ‘deteriorated’

Many people describe a particular sensation: ‘It’s as if my head is full of fog.’

This experience is often referred to as ‘brain fog’, a sensation of mental sluggishness that can occur during periods of high stress or following highly significant events.

During bereavement, it can manifest as:

• forgetting appointments;
• frequently misplacing items;
• struggling to find the right words;
• forgetting what you were about to say;
• rereading the same paragraph several times.

The literature on grief also describes difficulties with concentration and forgetfulness as common reactions to the experience of loss.

It is not just sadness

The pain of loss does not merely occupy the emotional realm. It can be accompanied by:

• constant thoughts;
• recurring images;
• sudden memories;
• unanswered questions;
• worries about the future.

These mental processes can also occur whilst you are carrying out other activities. It is like having lots of windows open on your computer: the system carries on working, but with greater effort.

Stress also plays a part

Grief is one of the most stressful events a person can experience. Prolonged stress affects various systems in the body and can temporarily reduce the ability to:

• maintain concentration;
• retrieve information from memory;
• plan;
• organise complex tasks.

It is not uncommon for people who are usually very efficient to suddenly feel at a loss when faced with tasks they previously carried out without difficulty.

Sleep can exacerbate all of this

Following a bereavement, many people sleep less well. They may experience:

• difficulty falling asleep;
• frequent waking;
• unrestful sleep;
• waking up very early.

Sleep plays a vital role in memory, attention and learning. When sleep is disrupted, cognitive difficulties can become even more apparent.

For this reason, the feeling of ‘my brain not working properly’ sometimes stems from the interplay between pain, stress and insomnia, rather than from a memory problem per se.

Intense emotions compete for attention

Anxiety, longing, guilt, anger, fear… the emotions of grief do not arise in an orderly fashion; they can surface suddenly, even during everyday activities.

When this happens, our attention is naturally drawn to what the brain considers most urgent: processing what is happening inside us.

It is a normal mechanism. Not always pleasant, but understandable.

How long might these difficulties last?

There is no set duration for everyone. For some people, the cognitive slowdown is most noticeable in the first few weeks.

For others, it may come in waves, perhaps on anniversaries, commemorative dates or other particularly significant occasions.

Like many other manifestations of grief, memory and concentration also tend to change over time without following a perfectly linear path. The process of adjustment often proceeds in waves, with periods of greater clarity alternating with others that are more taxing.

What can help in daily life

There are no exercises that can quickly eliminate these difficulties.

However, it can be helpful to lighten the mental burden.

For example:

• using a diary or reminders without seeing them as a failure;
• tackle one task at a time;
• allow yourself breaks during demanding tasks;
• avoid expecting the same level of performance from yourself as before;
• maintain, where possible, reasonably regular sleep and eating patterns.

Small adjustments can reduce daily fatigue whilst the brain continues its reorganisation process.

When should you seek medical advice?

Difficulties with memory and concentration are common during bereavement.

However, it is advisable to speak to your doctor if:

• they appear suddenly and very markedly;
• they gradually worsen over time;
• they significantly interfere with your safety or independence;
• they are accompanied by other unusual neurological or physical symptoms.

In such cases, it is important to rule out any medical conditions unrelated to the bereavement.

A brain that is learning to cope with a new reality

Neuroscience describes grief as a learning process.

The brain must come to terms with a reality that is difficult to accept: the loved one is no longer physically present, whilst the bond built up over the years continues to exist within us.

This takes time.

During this process, it is understandable to feel less clear-headed, more distracted or slower to react.

It does not necessarily mean that your memory is deteriorating.

Rather, it may mean that the brain is tackling one of the most complex tasks it can face: learning to live in a world profoundly changed by the loss.