Anxiety, self-compassion and social support: how they influence the experience of grief

Why do some people suffer more after a loss?

When we lose a loved one, our emotional experience can vary greatly from person to person. Some people go through grief with a deep sense of sadness but are still able to function in their daily lives; others feel overwhelmed, stuck in distressing thoughts or unable to regain their balance.

In the recent study 'The Role of Perceived Social Support in the Grief Experiences of More Anxious and Self-Compassionate People', Sarper, E., & Rodrigues, D. L. sought to understand why some people experience more intense symptoms of grief than others, focusing on three key psychological factors: baseline anxiety, self-compassion and perceived social support.

Personality anxiety and grief severity

Personality anxiety (known as trait anxiety) is a stable characteristic that leads people to perceive the world as more threatening or difficult to manage. The study confirmed that those with higher levels of anxiety also tend to report more intense grief symptoms. This means that anxiety is not just a reaction to grief, but can influence how deeply a person experiences the loss of a loved one.

But here's an important point: social support changes the relationship between anxiety and bereavement symptoms. When people suffering from anxiety perceive that they have little support from friends or family, the symptoms of emotional pain are even stronger. Conversely, those who perceive good social support do not show an increase in anxiety-related bereavement symptoms.

In practice:

• If you have a predisposition to feeling anxious, you may experience grief in a particularly intense way.
• But if you feel you have good social support, the impact of anxiety on grief symptoms can be significantly mitigated.

Self-compassion: an important ally in grief

Self-compassion, i.e. the ability to treat oneself with kindness, understanding and acceptance in difficult times, emerges as a protective factor against intense grief.

In the study, people with greater self-compassion and high levels of social support reported fewer grief symptoms than those with low self-compassion or poor support. In other words, the combination of self-compassion and social support is particularly effective in promoting adaptation to loss.

What does this mean for you?

• Practising self-compassion can help you manage painful emotions in a kinder way.
• Feeling that you have someone who listens to you and supports you reinforces the beneficial effect of self-compassion.

Why is social support so important?

The support of the people around us, friends, family, partners, is not only emotional comfort, but a real 'regulator' of our inner experiences during grief. In the study, researchers found that:

• A perception of poor social support emphasises the negative effects of anxiety on grief.
• A perception of good social support enhances the beneficial effect of self-compassion in reducing the emotional symptoms associated with loss.

This means that it is not so much anxiety or self-compassion per se that determines the severity of the experience, but how these individual traits interact with the perceived social environment.

What can we learn from this research?

1. Grief is influenced by who we are and who is around us

If you are someone who tends to worry or live anxiously in life, you may feel the pain of grief more acutely. But this does not mean that you are 'not strong'. It just means that your emotional experience deserves attention and support.

2. It is not your fault if you feel a lot of pain

Underlying anxiety can make grief more intense. This is an important psychological reality: it is not a personal failure, but how your mind and body react to emotional stress.

3. Cultivating self-compassion helps

Being kind to yourself during difficult times, acknowledging your pain, accepting it without judgement, and speaking to yourself with care can reduce the impact of grief symptoms.

4. Social support is an essential pillar

Having at least one or two people with whom you feel listened to, understood or simply accompanied in your grief can make the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling that your suffering is manageable.

In conclusion

This research highlights a profound truth: the pain of grief is not just an individual experience, but one rooted in our psychological traits and the social context in which we live. Anxiety, self-compassion and social support do not act separately: they intertwine to determine how we experience loss, how we process suffering and how we can ultimately find a new way of being in the world without those we have loved.

Bibliographic source: Sarper, E., & Rodrigues, D. L. (2024). The Role of Perceived Social Support in the Grief Experiences of More Anxious and Self-Compassionate People. OMEGA — Journal of Death and Dying. DOI: 10.1177/00302228241229484