7 gentle practices to help you cope with anxiety, agitation and emptiness after bereavement

February 9, 2026 · Luca Luca · Uncategorized

After a loss, many people oscillate between very different emotional states. One moment there is anxiety, agitation, nervousness, the next moment there is emptiness, as if emotions have completely shut down. Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut explained this clearly in their Dual Process Model, where oscillation is at the centre of the grieving process.

This alternation can be frightening and raise a question that is difficult to ignore: 'Am I reacting badly? Should I be feeling differently?

The answer is reassuring: you are not doing anything wrong!

What you are experiencing is a very common response to grief. And while there are no quick fixes, there are gentle and practical ways to get through these states without forcing yourself.

Below are some simple practices designed to accompany you, not to 'fix' you.

 

1. Acknowledge the fluctuation instead of fighting it

One of the most harmful ideas about grief is that it should proceed in a straight line: first you feel bad, then a little better, then it passes.

In reality, grief works like this:

  • intense emotional waves
  • moments of apparent calm
  • sudden breakdowns
  • phases of emotional numbness

👉 First practice: when you notice a sudden change ('yesterday anxiety, today emptiness'), simply try saying to yourself, 'My system is fluctuating to protect me.'

It is not instability. It is self-regulation.

 

2. When there is anxiety, reduce the need for control

After bereavement, anxiety often arises from the attempt to re-establish security. The world has shown that it can be unpredictable, and the body remains on alert.

Anxiety can manifest as:

  • internal agitation
  • racing thoughts
  • difficulty relaxing

👉 Useful practice: instead of asking yourself, 'How can I calm down?', try asking yourself, 'What am I trying to control right now?

Often, just recognising this can reduce tension.

 

3. When emptiness strikes, stop forcing your emotions

Emotional emptiness is as frightening as anxiety. Many people think:

  • 'I don't feel anything, there's something wrong'
  • "Maybe I didn't love enough."

In reality, emptiness is not the absence of pain, but a way to make it tolerable.

👉 Kind practice: stop forcing yourself to "feel something". Grief does not respond to orders. Emptiness is often a necessary pause, not a permanent block.

 

4. Give your body small signs of security

In grief, anxiety and emptiness do not only live in the mind: they inhabit the body.

👉 Concrete practice: choose one daily action that gives your body a signal of continuity:

  • a walk at the same time every day
  • a hot drink enjoyed calmly
  • a simple and repetitive evening routine

You don't need to 'feel better'. You need to feel a little safer.

 

5. Do not compare your reaction to that of others

Comparison is one of the main amplifiers of suffering in grief:

  • 'Others are crying, but I'm not'
  • 'Should I feel worse… or better?

👉 Protective practice: whenever you notice yourself comparing, remember that:

  • every bond is unique
  • every body reacts in its own way
  • there is no correct pace for grief

Your reaction is not a measure of your love.

 

6. Notice when the swing becomes too exhausting

In most cases, anxiety and emptiness are part of the process. But it is important to listen to certain signals:

  • anxiety becomes constant and unmanageable
  • the emptiness lasts for months without change
  • your daily life becomes increasingly restricted

👉 In this case, there is no need to resist any longer, but rather to consider seeking support.

 

7. Use a support space to make sense of things, not to 'fix' yourself

Psychological support during bereavement is NOT intended to:

  • eliminate emotions
  • speed up the process
  • make you 'stronger'

It is for:

  • understand what is happening to you
  • get through the fluctuation without getting scared
  • gradually rediscover a sense of inner security

On InLutto.it, you can find professionals specifically trained in grief and loss, who can accompany you even when your emotions are confused, contradictory, or difficult to explain.

There is no rush. And you do not have to do it alone.

If, after a bereavement, you alternate between anxiety, agitation and emotional emptiness, you are not wrong. Your system is trying, in its own way, to survive something enormous.

With time, understanding and, if necessary, the right support, these fluctuations can find a new balance. Not because the pain disappears, but because it becomes more bearable.